Edited by Elanor
The distance between Ye Yao and him was so far, and the tone of his voice was also resolute. Lu Xun sat up on the bed halfway, blue veins protruding on the back of his hand as he gripped the railing at the head of the bed.
What does it mean to give up the illusion that shouldn’t be there?
All of his nerves were clamoring to pull Ye Yao, who was far away from him, into his arms, and restore everything to how it was before.
But he couldn’t do that now.
“Come to sleep.” Lu Xun’s voice was deep.
Ye Yao didn’t speak, just looked at Lu Xun quietly.
Lu Xun took two deep breaths and controlled his voice: “I won’t do anything, you see, we used to sleep like this when we were in different beds, and I didn’t bother you.”
Ye Yao pursed his lips, looked under the bed, and glanced at the other members of the dormitory.
Xiao Pang and Wen Ke were actually in the dormitory, but they were playing games with their headphones on, talking about the line formation from time to time, looking very focused.
In retrospect, since he had started to live out on weekends and then returned to the dorm, the frequency of Xiao Pang and Wen Ke wearing earphones had increased significantly, as if they were afraid of hearing some terrible secret news.
Ye Yao looked at Lu Xun again, and Lu Xun looked back at him without blinking. Lu Xun seemed to have no intentions of retreating even at the face of the cruel words he had said before.
Ye Yao sighed, instead of lying down and talking to Lu Xun, he sat up and moved to the end of the bed where he was close to Lu Xun.
Lu Xun’s voice was tense: “Now, I don’t share the same bed with you, but I just want to sleep head to head in two separate beds. Is it an illusion?”
Ye Yao lowered his voice and tried to reason with Lu Xun calmly: “Lu Xun, I like men, you already know about it.”
“So what?” Lu Xun quickly asked in a low voice.
“So sleeping so close together is not good for you or me.” Ye Yao said slowly, “You should know this better than I do.”
Lu Xun looked at Ye Yao gravely, his fingertips were turning white as he grasped the railing at the head of the bed.
“Knowing that you are homophobic, it was my fault for concealing that. You had so much physical contact with me before, I deeply apologize for that. With our current identities, too much physical contact is not allowed anymore.” Ye Yao said bluntly. To be honest, previously he had to rack his brains to think of all kinds of excuses, now he could say it bluntly.
Lu Xun’s expression was stiff, and Ye Yao couldn’t see his inner thoughts.
Probably because he was reluctant to part with this friendship, and was entangled and unhappy because of the difference in sexual orientation between them.
“Don’t apologize to me, you…” Lu Xun took a deep breath as Ye Yao’s apology touched his nerves more deeply than the previous words.
Many people said in a joking tone that ‘wives can do no wrong’. If they were wrong, then people would say, please review the regulations that wives can do no wrong.
But as far as Lu Xun was concerned, he seriously believed that Ye Yao couldn’t be wrong. If it seemed wrong on the surface, it must be someone else’s fault.
For example, it must be his fault now.
Lu Xun scratched his hair, he suddenly became depressed, “It’s my fault, I used to do that kind of thing all the time, and even said that gay men are disgusting in front of you, just scold me, lah.”
Ye Yao softened his voice: “You didn’t know about this before, now that we’ve made the truth clear, you should go to sleep on the other side too, Lu Xun, it’s not good for me to point my feet at your head.”
Ye Yao’s gentle persuasion also didn’t work, even after so much reasoning, Lu Xun refused without hesitation: “No, I’ve slept on this side for two years, why do you let me go over there? I’m going to sleep here.”
“…” Ye Yao said, “…you can do whatever you want, I can’t force you.”
Ye Yao watched Lu Xun lie down in this direction, he stretched out his hand, and pulled the curtain hanging at the end of the bed.
There were curtains on his bed, and the ones that were pulled up at night on usual days were the outside curtains, so that no matter if Lu Xun was on the opposite bed or under the desk, he couldn’t see what he was doing, guaranteeing a certain degree of personal privacy.
And the area where his bed and Lu Xun’s bed meet, although there was also a bed curtain, but it was basically only for decoration, and it has never been drawn before.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“P vbc’a fnfc mjgf! Qts vb sbe mjgf jybea la?” Oe Wec rjlv jczlberis, “Ueii atf yfv megajlc jkjs.”
“Of course I care, I’m not used to doing bad things.” Ye Yao was not persuaded, “Don’t sneak in the middle of the night to lift up my bed curtain secretly, I made a mark here. ”
Lu Xun didn’t speak any more, and Ye Yao lay down on the bed again.
In the dormitory, only the occasional sounds of Wen Ke and Xiao Pang playing games were left. After lying down for a while, Ye Yao took out his mobile phone and saw the message Lu Xun had sent him.
Lu Xun didn’t say anything angry, or about breaking up with him, but sent him an emoji he had used before.
It was still the round-headed little shark poking its head out from the wall, with the words: [Is there a cutie at home?]
Ye Yao looked at it for a while, then finally replied: [Good night, go to sleep early.]
*****
At midnight, the lights in the dormitory were already turned off, and Ye Yao, who was sleeping, opened his eyes.
His bed was cut off from the outside world by a curtain, preventing him from seeing the situation outside.
Ye Yao got up slowly without making any sound. He switched the positions of his head and feet, and lay down in a position similar to Lu Xun’s. Through a thin bed curtain, they were head to head again.
Ye Yao closed his eyes.
He was indeed not used to doing bad things. He couldn’t point his feet at someone’s head, even if the person lying opposite him was a stranger, let alone Lu Xun who was his best friend.
Forget it, anyway, Lu Xun wouldn’t know, so let’s leave it at that.
*****
At 2:30 in the middle of the night, most of the people in the dormitory were already deeply asleep.
Except for one person.
Lu Xun quietly rolled out of bed.
He knew that Ye Yao’s sleep time was very regular, and it was impossible for him to be awake now.
He couldn’t sleep.
He wanted to take a look at Ye Yao, just a glance.
There was a mark on the bed curtain near Ye Yao and him, but there must be no mark on the bed curtain on the outside.
Lu Xun walked to Ye Yao’s bed quietly like a thief, and carefully opened the bed curtain to look inside.
The light at night was very poor, only the dim light from the corridor outside shone faintly into the dormitory through the glass above the door. Lu Xun couldn’t see clearly for a while, so he narrowed his eyes carefully.
….Why did it look wrong, the place where there was supposed to be the head, it looked as if there was no head.
Did Ye Yao bury his whole head under the quilt?
Lu Xun thought that this was not good, there was no fresh air to breathe, so he reached out to pull Ye Yao’s quilt off.
Lu Xun moved the quilt very carefully, but he still didn’t see Ye Yao’s head, but saw something vague like toes.
Ye Yao didn’t sleep with his head on this side.
The moment this thought flashed through Lu Xun’s mind, his heart beat wildly.
Lu Xun put down the bed curtain on this side and quickly went to the other side. This time he saw what he wanted to see.
Ye Yao was sleeping peacefully. Even if it was just a silhouette, it had the power to make Lu Xun joyful and excited.
Lu Xun always felt that men wouldn’t tear up easily, but when he saw that Ye Yao had quietly changed directions, his eye sockets were still uncontrollably swollen.
He was already prone to mood swings because of Ye Yao, but now his whole heart seemed to have collapsed into a mush.
How could there be such a person who was so soft-hearted towards a villain like him.
Lu Xun didn’t reach out to touch Ye Yao’s face or hair, he just watched quietly. After a while, Lu Xun found Ye Yao’s hand resting on the edge of the bed.
So he slowly moved over and pressed his forehead against the back of Ye Yao’s hand.
Like a mischievous dog, kissing the fingertips of its master.
*****
Life and study carried on as usual. Because of the need for all-round development of moral, intellectual, physical and aesthetics, there was no shortage of various sports activities.
The basketball game, which was the all-time favorite entertainment of male college students, had started again. Due to someone’s secret operation, this time it was still an entertainment game between the College of Finance and College of Law.
The weather was not as cold as it was in the winter. Everyone was wearing thinner clothes, and since spring was such a vibrant season, this basketball game could be said to be played in full swing.
By the end of the game, everyone was sweating profusely.
Ye Yao came to the gym in a hurry after writing a few questions after class. He didn’t have time to buy water. He wiped his sweat and planned to buy a bottle of water from the canteen outside the gym.
An unfamiliar voice came from behind Ye Yao: “Ye Yao, didn’t you bring any water? Let me give you this bottle of water, I haven’t drunk from it.”
Ye Yao turned around and saw a somewhat familiar person. Ye Yao frowned slightly and thought about it, vaguely remembering that this person had played basketball with him before. Because he had helped this person previously, this person had invited him to a milk tea shop for a cup of milk tea and chatted casually.
Later, Lu Xun came over and told him that this person was chasing him.
“You probably don’t remember me, my name is Yan Xing.” Yan Xing said with a smile, “I rushed here when I heard that you were playing. Last time I played with you, I felt that your skills were really good. This time, watching you play, I can say it really is top-notch!”
“Thank you.” Ye Yao said, “There is no need for the bottle of water, I will buy it outside later.”
Yan Xing continued to smile and said, “Why are you being so polite? A bottle of water doesn’t cost so much, so it doesn’t matter if you accept it from me.”
Ye Yao: “…”
Before Ye Yao could figure out how to refuse, his arm was poked suddenly, and another bottle of water was handed to him.
Ye Yao looked along the bottle of water and saw Lu Xun, who was also sweating profusely.
Ye Yao didn’t reply, so Lu Xun handed it to him again.
“It’s unopened.” Lu Xun said in a low voice, “I haven’t drunk from it.”
For Lu Xun, this was really a rare explanation.
Ye Yao still remembered that the last time someone brought him water, Lu Xun had interrupted others bringing him water in the same way, everything was similar but not similar.
The last time Lu Xun stuffed him with water, it was a half-drunk bottle of water. The two of them used to drink from the same bottle. This kind of behavior could only be regarded as the behavior of good brothers in daily life.
But this time, Lu Xun gave him an unopened bottle of water.
When drinking from the same bottle, they are close friends. Now, each drinking from a separate bottle showed they were friends who maintained the right distance.
“Have you drank?” Ye Yao asked.
“Of course I’ve had other drinks.” Lu Xun replied.
Ye Yao didn’t believe it. Lu Xun’s teammates were all drinking the same brand of mineral water. This water should have been distributed by Lu Xun’s team, and each person only had one bottle each.
Lu Xun had come later than him, and he didn’t have anything in his hand when he came.
Lu Xun also only had a bottle of water.
Just after playing basketball, when everyone was so thirsty that they were almost about to go up in smokes, Lu Xun didn’t drink his bottle of water, he didn’t even open it, and handed the bottle of water to him directly.
Maybe it was because Lu Xun was afraid that after opening the bottle, he wouldn’t drink it.
“There’s only one bottle, you can drink it.” Ye Yao lowered his eyes, “I can tell that you haven’t drunk it yet.”
Lu Xun was silent for a while and then said: “Then I will go to the store with you to buy water.”
Ye Yao didn’t refuse this time, he nodded to Yan Xing and left with Lu Xun.
Of course, Lu Xun followed Ye Yao closely, Yan Xing’s obtrusive figure disappeared from Lu Xun’s eyes, and his hand that was clenched on the bottle finally relaxed a little.
The man who pursued Ye Yao.
This was the man who pursued Ye Yao on the premise that Ye Yao liked men.
…. so annoying.
*****
In the middle of the night in the quiet dormitory, Lu Xun got up again and secretly looked at Ye Yao’s blurred outline.
Ye Yao was very quiet when he slept, Lu Xun looked at him for a long time, and in a daze, he recalled the scent in his memory.
That was the scent of shower gel that he could smell on Ye Yao when he held Ye Yao to sleep.
It was not a shower gel with a rare and alluring fragrance, but when it appeared on Ye Yao, it made him intoxicated.
This must be the best smell in the world, and once he used to be the only person in the world who could smell the fragrance of Ye Yao’s body when Ye Yao was sleeping soundly at night.
Lu Xun recalled the man who had handed Ye Yao a bottle of water on the court today.
Would other men be able to smell this fragrance in the future?
Lu Xun had been avoiding this question subconsciously. The high school student who was doing remedial class was too young to pose a threat, but the appearance of Yan Xing today completely sounded the alarm.
As lovers, Ye Yao would hold hands and be hugged by other men, and they could do many things that he couldn’t do now.
….Just like the movie he watched with Ye Yao not long ago.
Ye Yao would caress that person’s cheek and touch that person’s Adam’s apple.
Ye Yao, whom he had never seen before, would be admired by a man, and he would be amazingly beautiful.
That person could not be him who still wanted to continue to be friends.
As if his heart was being pulled tight, Lu Xun had difficulty breathing and put his head against the cold iron railing, sucking in small mouthfuls of air to ease his anxiety.
He thought about a lot of things, and many things have impacted his concepts since he was a child, so he dared not make judgments lightly.
But at this moment, it could be easily discovered, that the thought that every bit of his life with Ye Yao could be replaced by another man. For him… it was the collapse of his whole world.
—–
I want to shake him and scream at him that yes, he is gay.
But honestly, I appreciate the little nod to internalized homophobia taught to someone in their youth and affecting how they perceive their feelings. He’s absolutely smitten with our boy but because he can’t imagine two men together as anything other than abhorrent and life-ruining, he won’t even entertain the idea. It’s definitely pushed to an extreme but ye this is a thing isn’t it
Yes, I’m glad it’s being acknowledged. It bothers me a little when people assume that being homophobic is a choice that someone made out of a desire to judge and hate others. Humans can be conditioned to believe and fear anything. I have to give him credit for thinking so hard about it and trying to do the right thing. A lot of people might do the same, if they’re not attacked and feeling defensive. Or even given treatment like any other phobia.
You have hit the point. I was really kinda frustrated as well, but going through the chapters, I think I do now understand the author’s aim for hanging us a bit 🙂
Thank you for the update 🙌🙌
Despite my frustration because of my need to rush through this growing pains and pining plots, I’d understand his feelings and characterisations and it really sets this novel apart for me.
Yeah, I’ve had students who realize much late in life (after graduation, and only after they’ve found jobs) that they needed to break away from their own oppressive families. “Pray the gay away” is a thing in my country, and I can’t imagine the self-inflicted torture.
I’m so happy to finally read this because I saw so many people in reviews saying that he’s just homophobic without even knowing that this exists and that is a real problem a lot of gay people have to deal with
Thank You for the new chapter (｡’▽’｡)♡
This reminds me too much of when I had to tell my baby boy he was too big to sleep in Mommy’s bed. Like Ye Yao, I wasn’t doing it because I didn’t want him there but he was so heartbroken!
Lu Xun is totally making progress though – it’s a big step to realize he would feel like he’s been replaced if Ye Yao dated someone. He just has to get comfortable seeing himself in that spot.
He is getting there though. Obviously it should not be quick, because this is a completely world changing issue for him, and loads to take in. I am really happy, that it is portrayed so detailed.
I completely understand everyone’s frustration about LZ not realizing he’s in love. But again, he was taught and internalized homophobia for YEARS and is only able to start undoing it because of YY. If not for YY or for anyone else, LZ would stay homophobic. It takes time.
Thank you for the update ❤️💯
Lu Xun, you’re on the cusp! Take some deep breaths, buddy!
Y’ALL TELL ME WHEN LU XUN WILL REALIZE THAT HE’S GAY!
spoiler alert~~~~ soon hahahahaha! stay with me, he will realize it in blank chapters more.
Poor Lu Xun, his situation is almost like people who need to go through de-programming after leaving a cult….
Thank you for the chapter
Lu Xun’s 2 brain cells are FINALLY working 😭❤️ Thank you for the translation!
Thank you for all the comments guys and enjoying the novel so far. I deeply apologize for not coming in much to reply to everyone, but rest assured all comments are being read and made me laugh and smile with all of you. Really quite busy with part time work, school and also have 2 other novels currently being translated and published here. No matter, I’ll make sure to have chapters posted regularly, I won’t neglect 🙂 thank you for everyone’s support. Love you alll!!!!! mwahhhh!!!
Everytime I read this, I just wanted to scream, “DAMN THAT GRANDPA TO HELL AND BACK!”
Thank you for the chapter 💛
Off topic but I suddenly thought of something, there’s a chance that Lu xun is actually aromantic because of the fact that he would only date ye yao and would reject and even feel disgusted anyone who confesses to him regardless of who they are…
I want to transmigrate into this novel and smack Lu Xun’s head before giving him an advice “How about you date Ye Yao instead?”
Aghhhhhh!!!!!!!🙃 Thanks for the chapter ❤️
the internalized homophobia is so real ;-; as a gay man it took me YEARS to be able to say out loud that i’m gay even if i already knew for a long time
i feel a bit bad for lu xun. if only he would realize what his feelings are for yy, he’d be so much happier. he’s just so smitten and so devoted to yy.
♥️♥️♥️
Tbh, he’s starting to get on my nerves… just how st*pid can you get🙄